On Tortes and Aging

Apparently, 34 is ttorte 030he year you get old.  Well, maybe not you, but me.  I’ve been very healthy my whole life.  I hit 34 and fell to pieces.  At least it feels that way right now.  I made a chocolate raspberry torte yesterday.  I was pretty darn proud of myself, but all I kept thinking about was that this is something my Grandma should be making, not me!  I’m not old enough to make something like a torte!  Perhaps it was because I was having a pity party for myself. 

I found out this week I have rheumatoid arthritis.  I was shocked and saddened by that piece of news.  You know it’s bad news when it’s the doctor’s voice on the other end when you say "hello" and not his nurse calling to tell you everything’s ok.  The rheumatoid arthritis wouldn’t be so bad in and of itself.  On top of it, I have a torn nerve in my back, scoliosis, a herniated disc….and bone spurs.  Ouch.  Next thing you know I will be pouring bacon grease on all my family’s meals like my Grandma did. 

I’m trying to be brave.  Trying to tough it out and put a smile on my face.  Trying to learn.  Trying to grow.  Trying to stay close to Jesus and find out what He has to say about all of this.  Mostly, I’m trying not to have any more pity parties.  The torte turned out just right.  It only took me 34 years to make one.  Perhaps Jesus knew he could trust me with this trial just now.  And so, I walk (or should I say limp) ahead into the unknown and wonder…. 

4 thoughts on “On Tortes and Aging

  • March 24, 2008 at 9:50 am
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    Michelle,
    I got a chuckle from the bacon grease comment. I remember both of my grandmothers doing that. Often we find that we share common experience with others. Aging is such a personal thing, how many of us really feel like we are are as old as we are? I know I don’t feel like I’m over 50, but I am 🙂
    The challenges that come our way will shape us (I try think of my challenges as a chance to trust him more). Something else that always comes out of these challenges is the blessing of seeing so many who care about you love you more.

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  • March 24, 2008 at 11:20 pm
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    Hi Michelle! I’m soo new to this blogging thing, but I got on Kristen’s and she had links to a bazillion people, but your name popped out to me for some reason. I’m sorry to hear about your health issues. That is such personal stuff, but thanks for making it public…it’s in the light now. Lots happens when the light comes on. You can see God more clearly for Who He REALLY is; you can see yourself; and you can see where the enemy is. I believe God is big enough to handle your situation…and I’m praying that He will. Peace in Jesus. Kim Stewart

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  • March 24, 2008 at 11:47 pm
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    Hi Michelle, oh what I would give to be 34 again. But after thinking about it I would not want to go back. If I was 34 you would be 2 years old. Richard 12,Glen would be 9 and Jon 3. Oh my would I want to go through that again. Just kidding. I’m proud of them and so very proud of you and Rob. You have a wonderful family and as one of your favorite uncles keep serving the Lord as you have had in these past years. Grandma Lanting would have been so happy to see that you guys had three beautiful daughters.

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  • March 25, 2008 at 12:47 pm
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    Michelle, you have been on my mind and heart since we spoke at the saturday service. I will continue to pray for you – for your emotions as you go through this time and for you physically as you are handed a diagnosis that makes you wonder why… All I know is that God will use it one way or another – in your life or in someone’s life around you. Thanks for being real and sharing this personal struggle!

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