Are Girl Bullies Worse?

I grew up in a household of boys.  All of my cousins were boys until I was 10, and even then my only girl cousin lived in Malaysia with her missionary parents.  I know about boys.  I know a lot about boys.  I know how they bully each other, how they feel before and after, how it makes them feel powerful, how it makes the other guy feel weak.  To this day, I think I understand boys more than girls.  Boys fight and punch, call names and spit at each other.  It’s no fun to be bullied, whether by a boy or a girl.GossipWhen my 2nd girl was born, I knew God had a good laugh.  He knew I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.  I knew boys.  I knew them inside and out.  Girls, well, I knew one pretty well—myself.  I had some girlfriends.  I knew them a little bit, but childhood friends come and go.  I felt like I was travelling to a foreign country where I didn’t know the lingo.  I was excited, so much that I literally wept when each of my girls were born.  I felt like God entrusted me with so much when He gave me girls.

I’ve learned a lot of wonderful, amazing things about girls.  One unfortunate thing I have learned about girls is that they bully one another in really awful ways.  Rob and I joke about it, but in raising girls, there is some sort of drama going on in our house every single day.  One girl’s best friend one day is her worst enemy the next.  We help her through it, get that issue resolved, only to begin again the next day with the next girl.  It goes on and on and it never ends!  Are my girls to blame for the drama?  Probably sometimes.  They’re not perfect.

I was talking with Whitney the other day about the difference between girl and boy bullies.  She said to me, “Girl bullies are worse, because they bully to leave a scar.”  I agreed with her. Girls bully to intentionally leave a permanent emotional scar in the life of the one they are bullying. 

  • How do we keep  our girls from intentionally bullying someone to leave a permanent scar?
  • What choices can we make as parents, friends, or mentors to girls that will help them overcome the desire to belittle others to make themselves look more important? 
  • What steps can we take to build a child back up after they are given a “permanent scar” from a bully?

These are all questions I am going to be thinking about over the weekend.  I’d love your input as I’m trying to put together ideas about how to keep our kids from bullying one another.

6 thoughts on “Are Girl Bullies Worse?

  • October 22, 2010 at 11:54 am
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    Boy bullies are more likely to commit physical abuse, whereas girl bullies are more mental in their attacks. You know the rhyme, “Stick and stones….” Completely not true. Broken bones will heal in a few weeks; broken spirits last MUCH longer.

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    • March 6, 2011 at 5:13 am
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      I agree with what you said and yes, bullying by girls is as severe as bullying by boys.

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  • October 22, 2010 at 12:53 pm
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    I have a pretty distinct memory of standing in front of my mom, listening to her tell me that another kid at school had accused me of doing something bad to her. Thankfully, I had a mom that knew me well and believed me when I told her the other kid had actually done it to me weeks before. Lies and rumors that intend to ruin a reputation was the most painful form of bullying for me growing up, I think because I valued mine so. Do boys do the same thing?

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  • October 22, 2010 at 1:40 pm
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    So agree with Whitney and i think it’s because girl bullies bully with emotion and the words used come back over and over again. I think the father of lies whispers them to us much later in life to keep us from being victorious in WHO we are in Christ and WHOSE we are. I think it’s so important we raise our kids to know their identity in Christ and their value in their Heavenly Father’s eyes.
    p.s. Love the small world of the body of Christ…that I know Jean Anne too!

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  • October 22, 2010 at 2:02 pm
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    I have to agree with Whitney. Girls who bully go for the jugular. They know what will hurt the most and do leave scars. My son is in 7th grade at John Young Middle school and is bullied on a daily basis…by girls. They make fun of his clothes, his haircut, how he runs in gym, the topic of his reports and his belief system…the list goes on.

    He told me the other day that he is perfect in God’s heart and that is all that matters. It is my prayer that he truly believes and knows that.

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  • October 22, 2010 at 4:18 pm
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    After watching “You Again” the movie, showing three generations of girl bullying and its affects, I too am concerned on how to raise a wise and secure daughter. We can pray together for the safety and wisdom of our girls. May they walk in God’s Wisdom.

    Reply

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