I will never forget the impact of the words flowing over and into me as my friend read me quotes from Macrina’s book a few years ago. I was at a place and space in my life where I needed input, healing and direction. Somehow, her words landed in my soul, sunk deeply, and took root. I was on a personal retreat so I bought Macrina’s book Seasons of Your Heart and was drawn in immediately and intensely.
I was mesmerized by both her writing style, and the depth of Macrina’s own thoughts. In my own way, I recognized her soul’s thoughts as very similar to my own. Her writing style, so very similar to my own. I needed to learn more from this woman. I had found a new mentor from afar.
I stalked Macrina on Facebook and was quite surprised when she accepted my friend request. I am sure I wrote her an incredibly overbearing and animated messages, trying not to sound like a stalker, but assert myself so she knows I’m serious voice. I tried to convey to her what her work meant to me. Macrina was patient and kind in response, so I asked her if I prsumptively could come visit her. Again, much to my surprise and joy, a friend and I went to visit her and learn from her just a few months later on a retreat.
Macrina is a Benedictine Monk, living in St. Scholastica Monastery in Fort Smith Arkansas. I had never met a monk, let alone one who was a woman. I had no idea that was a thing. She explained to me that they are Monastics, Thus “Monks” in the Benedictine tradition.
I soaked up everything Macrina had to teach me, in her patient and kind way. She laughs so well and is so fun to be around. I learned silence and solitude from her. I learned that life, in all its twists and turns, ups and downs is always there to teach us and point us to God. Even our character flaws can teach us, she taught me. Once we acknowledge their existence, we can begin to be honest and grow from there.
Over the years, I’ve been to a few of Macrina’s retreats, and have developed a true friendship with her. I was so excited to find out that she was working on a new book called
The premise of her book is this: The teachers we can learn from are often the ones we normally want to shrug off, ignore, or hide because of shame or pride. Some of the voices are more positive and familiar to us. What if we tuned in and truly welcomed these teachers, asked God what he was trying to teach us through them, and then listen and wait?
Here is an excerpt from Macrina’s book The Flowing Grace Of Now.
Here is an exercise in humility you might want to try sometime this week—perhaps every day this week. Use your imagination and throw a banquet for the crippled, blind, and lame parts of yourself. Invite your doubts, your pride, and your superiority and arrogance. Invite your resentments, your selfishness, your narrow-mindedness, and your prejudice. In all probability, you won’t find any of these invited guests trying to claim the first place. They will more likely all climb into the chair reserved for you. Here is one last suggestion. Treat each of these guests with reverence. Try to discover what this invitee is to teach you. O lavish Caregiver, Each day I am invited to your feast of life. Teach me to be grateful as I take my place at the table of plenty. Show me how to honor even my faults. They teach me humility. They have the potential of being transformed into something beautiful. They can become my teachers. May I learn to listen to my life. Your teacher for the week will be the crippled and lame parts of yourself. Our faults and weaknesses can become our best teachers. Choose one each day this week. Try to discern why it is a part of your life.
Macrina’s book takes the reader through the weeks of the year, with a suggestion of a “teacher” for each of those weeks. Her insights are powerful and help me center my soul, focus again on Jesus and remember that all of life is here to learn from. I highly suggest this wonderful book! Macrina is a beautiful person and a wonderful friend to all who turn the pages of her books.
How to Share Words From God in a safe, wholesome, God-honoring way.
The one who prophesies speaks to people for their strengthening, encouraging and comfort” (1 Corinthians 14:3).
Prophecy. Pretty much every time I think of the word, I think of some negative or scary thing someone has told me came from God, such as, “God told me you are supposed to be in charge of women’s ministry” or God says he will heal you if you only lay down your need for control” It’s unfortunate that I think that is pretty much everyone’s response when they hear that word. It’s weird, almost creepyish and definitely very old-testament-ish.
One time when I was in high school, a friend invited me and my best friend Lisa to her youth group since she always visited ours and we had never been to hers. When We got there, all seemed normal. There was a worship time, a small teaching time, and then…. the talk about gifts of the Holy Spirit took a wild turn. The man stopped mid-sentence and blurted, “Wait. God is telling me something. Everyone yelled their amen’s and praise the Lord’s.
My friend Lisa and I often talked abut God’s miracles and loved him with all of our hearts. We were wholehearted believers. But…this man went from a quiet whisper to a gigantic shouting preaching voice in 3 seconds flat. I startled a little, and so did Lisa. He started yelling, “God is telling me that some of you all do not speak in tongues! How can you call yourselves worshippers of the Holy Spirit when you deny His power and language? How can you communicate the deep things of the spirit without the language of the holy one?”
My friends and I were slightly amused, because we were sarcastic teenage girls. We nervously giggled. The man pointed at me and Lisa and shouted, “YOU MUST REPENT, THUS SAYETH THE LORD OF HOSTS”. Right after that, he continued in his very loud preacher voice, “Now…God is telling me that those of you who already have received a the gift of tongues, go stand against that wall… Shaking his head, he said, “I don’t know why he is sayingthat, but OBEY! About seventy five percent of teenage boys and girls and adult youth group leaders clamored metal chairs and hustled to the wall. He then said, “The Lord is telling me that all of you need to start speaking in tongues NOW!”
They all, in unison, began yelling, chanting, and raising each of their voices, louder than the next. The man, again, said, “You who are left…the Lord of hosts need you to RUN to the wall, partner up with ones speaking in tongues, and mimic every syllable that comes out of their mouths until you begin to flow in the Holy Spirit language. Go! Run! Be reborn.
There were three people left in the audience on folded metal chairs. Me, Lisa, and an elderly woman looking utterly bewildered, politely smiling, but not running like the rest. God bless her.
The man began SHOUTING. With his eyes closed, “The lord is telling me, wait a minute, the Lord is telling me there are wicked and arrogant sinners here that refuse his anointing. This is your time! Run tothe wall! Run to the wall!”
He then opened his eyes and pointed his finger at us, two very bewildered teenagers. No teenager likes to be pointed out in a crowd for any reason. So, me and Lisa stood to our feet, pushed our chairs back and RAN the other way to the very tiny Sunday school bathroom to hide.
Our friend found us there later and profusely apologized. Needless to say, she didn’t ask us to come to her youth group ever again and we were glad.
This is a nightmare story, and if my friend and I had been alone, or couldn’t brush it off, it could have been a very emotionally destructive occurrence. But we were together, knew who we were in Jesus, and had a very good story to tell afterword’s. We were ok.
Story Number two.
I had a friend in high school named Mike whose father was a drug dealer and addict. He had a brain aneurysm on a Wednesday. I remember it so clearly, because of how devised Mike was when he called to tell me. I prayed for his dad. Everyone did.
That night at Mike’s church, his pastor stood in front of his congregation and prophesied that Mikes dad would be healed, restored and redeemed to Jesus by the next Wednesday. Mike believed his pastor, because this pastor had always been his spiritual leader. Why would it be a mistake? Mike trusted this man implicitly, and he called me later to tell me his good news. I worried. Everyone who knew him worried, even though of course we wanted his dad to be healed, restored and redeemed by Jesus. We wanted nothing else.
For a week we prayed for him. Wednesday came, and Mike’s dad passed away shortly after noon that day. Mike and his mother went into a deep depression, Mike was never the same, first for losing his dad, second for losing his faith in God and the church. I hope and pray that wherever he is, He knows that Jesus loves him, and some pastors are doing their best with what they know. Pastors mess up sometimes too. And some pastors are just very messed up.
Mikes pastors mistake wasn’t funny like what Lisa and I experienced. It was lethal. His prophecy wounded our friend so deeply that he never was quite the same. His prophetic word destroyed, did not build up. What could have this pastor done differently? What could Mike have done differently?
We tend to fall into two different categories when it comes to sharing a prophetic leading/prompting: Too timid or too bold. Our hope is to find the balance of humility and authority.
Story number three
When Rob and I were working in full time youth ministry, we taught our teenagers about the ways God can speak to us. That he is and always will be faithful. Around that time, I started to see rainbows every day. In the sky, in magazines, on tv, on stickers in the grocery store, in random magazine adds. Every single day, I would see a rainbow. I asked God, “What is this? Why? I know by now this is you God. No one could have planned this.” His gentle answer came back, “I am faithful to you, to your family, to all generations.” Around the same time, God had given Rob an image of an eagle. He heard God say the eagle was about strength, leadership, dignity. Strong spirits. We knew these two symbols were what we were supposed to pray over and share with our teenagers. Teenagers have way softer hearts than most adults. They may have rough exteriors, but inside, they aren’t too jaded by the world yet. Some, yes, but generally, their souls were still malleable and could be coaxed and melded by the authority of God’s word in us, through us, in them, in the word of God.
These were prophetic words and images that God gave us. Just like that, the kids in our youth ministry started seeing these symbols everywhere. It was sort of a private thing at first with the kids who were a part of what we called the extreme team. They told their friends, who told their friends, and so on. They started praying for a revival. That God would show his strength and faithfulness to their homes, their schools, their generation. Their faith way exceeded my own.
We were on a mission trip to Juarez, Mexico. One of the places we went to evangelize was in the town square. One of our team slogans, was, “If you’re not up, you’re down. “Kids who were sharing the gospel were up, kidswho weren’t, were on the sidelines, doing the hard work of praying. Mobs of people came over to us. We were a curiosity, no doubt. Juarez was a very dangerous city, and they ogled at us dumb American teenagers singing horrible vacation bible songs with horrible American dialect of their Spanish language. It did not matter. Those kids were fierce, and boldly approached the throne of Jesus. They prayed for salvation of these souls.
All of a sudden, dark clouds began to form over the plaza where we stood. The kids raised their hands to the sky and prayed the rain clouds away. I kid you not, it began to rain to the north, south, east and west of the square in which we stood. They held their arms to the sky, praying some more, non-phased by the apparent miracle. After the teens spoke, we disbursed throughout the crowd and began to speak to the audience members through translators, or if they spokeEnglish, we spoke one on one.
Rob happened to be praying for two young men. He asked them, “Are you ready to accept Jesus and invite him into your lives as your lord and Savior?” The instant he said that last word, a lightning bolt shot down from the heavens and hit a transformer directly across the street. The men jumped, and loudly with fear n their voices replied “YES” We must do this.” The wind began to blow, and the storm surrounding us dissipated.
The kids were celebrating with joy the obvious presence of the Holy spirit. The people quietly left, and we gathered our team in a huddle. One student lifted her face, the newly shining sun on her face, pointedstraight up, with almost a look of terror, we all looked up. Above the plaza, over our team, there was a rainbow in the sky. Some began to weep. I was too awe-stricken to do anything. And then, we realized that the monument we were standing around, at the very top there was an eagle. There are no words to convey the depth of the blessing we all knew we were ap part of. We sang, we celebrated like wild party people all the way home. Jesus was in our presence. We knew. We knew with everything in us that God is faithful. He loved us enough to show us. We knew to our depths that God was our strength, just like the eagle. He was our deliverer from the evil in ourworld.
We were all permanently changed by this. First the prophecy of the rainbow. God promising his faithfulness to us. Then the promise of his strength through the eagle.
Were these prophecies damaging in any way? Was anyone’s soul harmed from trusting in God’s faithfulness or in his strength? How do we know if a prophecy someone gives us is real or fake? True or misleading? It’s not easy, but there are some parameters that are helpful:
Five Internal Markers of Authenticity
Revelation from God carries greater love than your own thoughts. It is also characterized by a deeper wisdom, insight, and kindness. There will be times where you’ll think to yourself, “Wow! That is good stuff!” and you’ll know there is no way you could possibly have dreamed that up yourself.
Something that is from God will often cause a resonating response within you. You have a sense of holy reverence, or great excitement and expectation, or conviction of sin (which comes with hope and not condemnation), or a deep peace that might well be in contrast to the circumstances.
A prophetic word also carries within it the seed of faith to see it through to fulfillment. What we mean is that when someone embraces a word, there is a release of strength, perseverance, and desire to follow the Lord on the pathway that He is highlighting, in spite of any obstacles
There is a sense of simplicity and clarity about the arrival of the prophetic message. : While we might need to wait in God’s presence for a little while to hear from Him, don’t forget that a prophetic word will usually come simply and easily. The actual revelation tends to gently float down upon us or springs up on us.
The voice of Jesus will have a net-positive impact strengthening, comforting, and encouraging.Jesus says I come that they might have life and have it to the full. The prophetic word will be life-giving. Jesus does not work in shame or condemnation. Not ever.
Between these three stories, which brought life? Which brought hope. All of the people giving the prophecies were genuine. They thought they were doing the right thing. Where are the differences? Sit with your 4 or 5 people and ask one another to come up with some thoughts
Most importantly, remember the love. Jesus is love. People speaking harmful or hurtful words claiming they are directly from the mouth of God should ALWAYS be questioned. Our God is a God of love. Remember the fruits of the spirit -Love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. If the word you are sharing with someone else lines up with all of these, I’d say it was safe to share, if not, just don’t. You’re not helping, and possibly harming that person.
The best and most consistent way to hear from God is the B-I-B-L-E. God’s word is life and love, and all good things.
*The KC Underground has been studying the book “Hearing the Voice of God” by Alex and Hannah Absolom. I shared portions of their book above.
Church is a basement of three-year old’s making crafts in tiny chairs at tiny tables. Learning about the flannelgraph Jesus that wants to move into their hearts. Church is one three-year-old in that crowd saying, “Yes. I want Jesus in my heart, flannelgraph or not, he looks pretty nice and good and loving. I want him there.”
Church is high and holy, orchestral piano and organ and choir, hymn numbers attendance numbers tithe numbers next to the masterfully centered thirty foot cross behind the pastor with the very loud pastor voice droning on and on and on. Church is a little girl sitting with her grandmother in the back, feeling loved and warm and good as she hears her grandma sing along, “There is Joy In Serving Jesus.”
Church is camp, where a man up front pleads with children to understand that God is good and wants the best for them. Church is a little girl feeling the wind of the holy spirit come alive in her chest, awakening her to a new part of God she never knew.
Church is listening to the stories on wooden church pews at Sunday night service of men and women redeemed. The same stories from the same men and women, every Sunday night, but they were mesmerizing. Their drinking, smoking, drugging lives turned one hundred eighty degrees to the face of Jesus waiting for them to show them a better way.
Church is a middle school girl, wanting to belong somewhere, anywhere, drawn in by a man brave enough to love middle school kids and tell them they are important and matter to Jesus. The middle school girl believed and stuck around.
Church is a high school student, in a church van, driving the thirty sixth hour on her way home from Mexico with her youth pastor at the wheel, talking about the ways God could use her and how to prepare for a life of service, when all the girl wanted to do was stay in Mexico forever and give the rest of her life to the people in the small villages in the faraway places no one could see. He said preparing was probably necessary, and so she agreed.
Church is Africa. Waking up and sitting on the green hills, listening to the song of trumpets floating over the hills, echoing hymns at the break of day. Church is natures harmony in Africa, alive in the people wo love God there.
Church is awakening to love for another, giving love back to teenagers that was so freely given to her.
Church is giving and receiving holy communion, men and women streaming in multitudes toward Jesus and his love.
Church is the women in India, surrounding a young woman as odd to them as an alien from the moon, praying love into her soul, praying strength and hope and joy and the power of the one true God they knew so well. They showed the woman their strength, and she was never the same.
Church is holding her three daughters hands in the throngs of marketplace chaos and color and smells of curry and spice and cooking oil, smiling with them, as they embrace God’s people in their hearts and see and know and feel what real love is when they reach across the globe again and again and again to love those who need love, serve those in need, awaken joy in the lives of those in distress.
Church is Jesus on a regular street in a regular town in a regular way, waving and loving and hugging the lives of the ones around the woman and her regular house and regular ways. Church is listening to her neighbor, ancient and near her end, tell tale after tale after tale of her long adventurous life, how traveling the world for decades brought her home to the feet of Jesus.
Church is Her love awakening to the beginnings and endings of all things new and old in the ways of Jesus in the living and breathing regular people and regular life around her.
Church is stories around the table. Church is the love alive in the eyes of the ones that come to her home to love and be loved.
Church is all things right, pure, noble and good. Church is fair and right and equal and alive.
The Church of Jesus will prevail. Love and hope and light and strength are his and theirs when they share the nobility of serving neighbors in a world feeling darker by the day.
I’ve been a part of one ministry or another since I was 14 years old. I’ve been around the world a few times and eaten lunch with a president of our nation and a First Lady of another. Ive sat with the worlds most influential Christian speaker-author of our day, chatting in his living room. We’ve been a part of a huge mega church, and then another. I’ve been there, done pretty much all of “that”.
But… sitting in a living room with a few dozen of the KC Underground last night, worshipping, praying and remembering Jesus together was “it”.
God with Us. God among Us. God on the couch , to my left and my right as I sat wedged between Hannah and my Belle, gifted and anointed worshippers of Him.
God In the hearts and voices of True words echoed from genuine to generation. Spoken words shared by people of faith in other living rooms on the other side of the world.
My heart is overflowing with gratitude this Good Friday.
Thank you, amazing people. God is with Us. Who can be against us?
When you leave a church and have been in that church’s active ministry, it’s hard. It’s hard, because so many people misunderstand. It’s hard because people tell people what they heard, leaving a long and confused string of thoughts and ideas about why the leavers left. It’s hard because it is a loss-both to the leaver and to the stay-er. The sense of loss on either end no doubt can be measured by the investment of time in the place, and the people of the church.
In my experience, we have only served at really large churches, and I am guessing the “large” mega-ness of these mega churches only amplify feelings, raw emotion, words, insinuation, etc., although I have also learned that People are People Wherever You Go. I am sure small churches have issues that are just as difficult to navigate. For myself and our family, we’ve lived large, and that can come with a lot of interesting factors when raw emotion and sincere beliefs are mixed without much direction for how to handle t hem in a healthy and productive way.
Rob was a pastor at Granger Community Church for 21 – 22 ish years. We moved to Kansas in 2014 so he could serve on the pastoral team at Westside family church. We’ve lived in Kansas almost five years now. It is difficult for me to believe Belle was in third grade when we moved here. Whitney was finishing up eighth grade, and Maddie finishing up her freshman year in high school. The girls are now 20, 18 and 15. Belle has her drivers permit. I still cannot wrap my head around that, considering such a short time ago we packed up her Polly Pockets, Barbies and Littlest Pet Shop toys.
Leaving Granger was by far the most difficult decision Rob and I have ever made, because it broke our hearts to leave a place, we poured so much life and love into. Nearing the end of our time there, I was feeling bewildered, un-needed, unnecessary. Rob was working harder and harder to fix everything that was wrong in that moment, I had my hands utterly full with three delightfully spirited girls, so much so that I forgot that my feelings lay somewhere below the surface of my busyness. I forgot Rob had feelings too.
When I allowed myself to slow down, I realized I was sad that Rob was never home on the weekends. I was sad that my friendships frequently went wonky because of his position in the church and community. My friends would disagree with something church related, which they absolutely had a right to do, and it was often too difficult to navigate issues too complex for me to figure, in order to save the relationship. There seemed to be more that was complicated in our lives than what made sense. It was hard.
Rob was given a sabbatical as a gift for a “Job well done” after serving 20 years at Granger. That summer we sat with friends and Soul Care professionals Steve and Gwen Smith at the Potter’s Inn. They peeled back those painful layers so we could see the raw emotion we were both stifling under the surface of our lives. It was incredibly painful to come to terms with the fact that the way we were living was not good or healthy for ourselves, our family, or for anyone. We decided together that it was time to change the scenery and save our marriage and family. We needed to make some drastic changes.
And so we did. As I have mentioned, there were ripples and waves of discussion and speculation. I wrote a post the day Rob resigned, published it two hours before the announcement came. I was instantly and permanently shamed from the inside circles, people I loved and adored, raised babies with, prayed with, vacationed with, etc. in one moment turned against me. I was devastated and confused. It knocked me down for a long, long time. I loved the people of Granger with all my heart. My post simply stated that we were tired, we needed to focus on our marriage and family, “mega” was not working for us any longer, and we needed to move on. I was hoping my post would help explain that. To many it did. To several it did not.
Along with the negative, there were hundreds of positive words and kind thoughts sent our way. Why is it that the few less than kind comments hurt the most? I’m not sure. I wish I were mature enough to dismiss them with grace, shielding my heart in the most appropriate way, while navigating the pain in a perfect way that never stepped on the toes of anyone ever. But I have found I am not that person. Not at all. I say what is. I cannot say more or less. I have lived a long forty five years, and have found that the most comfortable in my own skin I’ve ever been are the times I’ve shared my truth without the commentary of a hundred voices in my head. I listened to and tried to please everyone, and that was part of my demise. I can’t please everyone. I cant make everyone happy, or even like me.
Here we find ourselves, at the crossroads of another ending and a new beginning. Rob left Westside Family Church in November, and now…we are planting our own church, The KC Underground. We are loving it, serving together and living it together, as we love to do.
There are many differences in why we left both Granger and Westside, but I have changed, quite a lot. What did I learn from what really hurt?
A few things. I learned that:
1: My heart is worth guarding. I do whatever I need to do to keep my heart safe.
2: To trust the few, rather than the many. My close friends and confidants are the ones I lean and depend on. The public-ness of our lives does not mean that the public can have full access to my words, thoughts and feelings.
3: To make my closest allies people who are not affiliated with my husband’s workplace. These friends can offer fair perspective because the only skin they have in the game is their relationship with me, not with me, my husband, and whole church.
4: Not to take criticism too much to heart. I can let criticism crush me. I’m learning to take in what I need to and let the rest go. Words can hurt, but only if I let them.
5: Jesus is my best, best friend. Walking with Jesus down lonely roads has made me stronger than I have ever been. His love and grace and poured over me and in me, capturing my heart and imagination, setting my soul on fire.
If you are in full time ministry or church work, prepare yourself for the comings and goings before they happen. Keep your soul healthy as you know how. Trust Jesus and let your friends love you. Stay strong and remember your true north. Your soul is worth it.
What would you say if I told you that a few years ago the subject of Rob and I planting a church together came up and I absolutely hated the idea? I really did. The reasons for me not being crazy about the idea were legit. Both Rob and I had been through the toughest season of our lives and were sort of staggering, regaining our footing. After some time to rest and recalibrate, we were feeling much stronger, much better together. Rob casually brought it up to me one day, “What do you think about planting a church together?” My quick answer, “H*ll No.” For real. I was healing, no doubt, but no where ready to take up that responsibility. I was overwhelmed with being a mom to three teenage girls, all wonderfully spirited, busy schedules, and all of the ins and outs of what it means to be a mom to three teenage girls and everything that goes along with that all at once. I honestly had never enjoyed my girls and their friends more, they continue to fill me with deeper joy and love I could have ever known without their precious lives. I was maxed out with the demands of daily living, dealing with a chronic disease and still trying to focus on regaining my physical and spiritual strength. All the while, I knew it was to be. Rob and I have been in ministry together since we were in high school. Our hearts were united around the cause of knowing Jesus and making him known. The shape of what we have done for that cause together and separately has changed, but the core of our heart’s belief has not.
And then suddenly, I was struck with a resoluteness that God had a plan for us in this city and our community for a new way of doing church. When I started to think about it, the more I thought about it, the more I knew it was right, and it was time. As deep as my resolve was to not want to do it, the peace I had knowing this was God’s plan was as all encompassing as I have ever known God’s peace to be.
Rob and I have been married almost 26 years. We’ve been around the world and back together, literally and figuratively, several times and more. I couldn’t be more excited about this next season of life together as we join a few friends and start a church together.
I love God. I have compassion for his people, especially those who live around the edges, a familiar place to me. Rob is a phenomenally gifted leader. The team around us are jumping in just as intently and passionately as we are.
KCUnderground will be a church for those who are lovers of Jesus and lovers of people. We are so excited who joins us in this movement and what God does in our city. This weekend dozens of people will sign on the dotted line and commit to join our Core Team as we lay the foundation for the Underground. If you live in the KC metro area and are interested, check out our KC Underground website and see if this way of doing church and living life is for you.
This amazing team of leaders would love for you to join in.