You asked some questions last week, I did my best to answer. Here goes:
With two very busy lives/schedules, how do you and Rob keep the communication lines open, make time for deep conversation and avoid miscommunication slips? ok. that was three. 🙂
Posted by: Chelle
I would have to say that our # 1 strategy for keeping communication lines open has been early bed times for the girls. Maddie and Whitney think they are living on the wild side if we let them stay up past 8:15 or 8:30pm, Isabelle is in bed by 7:30. We let our brains turn to mush in front of the t.v., then hopefully get a chance to process out loud all of what happened through the day.
Another thing we have always held as a high value has been making sure we are on the same page when it comes to learning and reading. I try to attend as many conferences as I can with Rob, so I understand his thinking and what is going on in his world. We may not always read the exact same books, but we make sure we discuss at length the things we are learning from the books we are reading. This has been really helpful since we both have different interests in reading. I feel like we keep each other on our toes in these discussions.
Conversations about deep learning can’t really happen over tacos, spilled drinks and loud chatter at the dinner table, so we try to go out alone once every few weeks to look eye to eye and chat about what we’re learning and how we’re growing.
My question is–how do you do it all?
Posted by: betsey
I think Rob and I make a very good team. He is very helpful with the girls and with the regular day to day cleaning up, driving to dance class, school events, etc. This helps me tremendously.
I also work very hard on keeping my soul re-fueled by spending time in God’s word, listening to sermon podcasts from LifeChurchTV, John Ortberg, Andy Stanley and a couple of others. I have my Zune programmed with worship music I listen to while I vacuum. I have YouVersion on my Iphone so I can pull up the Bible wherever I am, even in the carpool line waiting to pick up Belle.
Keeping it all together was much easier before we had kids, but I am learning I can do the same things I used to do to keep my soul in tact, I just have to do it differently. If I feel like my soul is in good shape, I can handle just about anything.
I don't know how to ask this to get a meaningful answer. How many friends do you have? How many does Rob have? Maybe a good measure is how many people you trust leaving your kids with. As you answer think a little about how I might apply your answer to my own life
Posted by: Ryan
Ryan, this is such a great question, and difficult to answer. I have about 700 Twitter & Facebook “friends”. Rob’s got about 1000. How many would we trust our kids with? About 5, Maybe 10. I have a small group of 8 women I meet with weekly. I trust them, (0ne of them I even trust with our dog Ellie, she has her over for play dates all the time).
Trust is such a difficult issue for me being in the position I am in(pastor’s wife). I try to not become too jaded, but the truth of the matter is that I have been hurt by those who have been my close friends as opposed to the ones outside of my inner circle more times than I can count. When something goes on at GCC that they don’t agree with, people sometimes make it personal between me and Rob and them. I hate that more than anything. This makes it very difficult for me to implicitly trust people, although I love them deeply, more than they know. It’s a very strange position to be in, and I am learning and growing more every day in these areas.
As far as how it would apply to your life, I say don’t trust your daughter with anyone you don’t know inside and out. Rob and I have made the mistake of trusting our daughter with someone we sort of knew, and it ended up being extremely traumatic to her and our entire family. She wasn’t harmed physically or sexually in any way, but sometimes the emotional damage of being with a less than “normal” person can do just as much damage. We learned a hard lesson, and we are never going back. Any child is allowed in our home. We only let our girls over to someone else’s home when we know the family inside and out.
So, there you have it. Thanks so much for your great questions!