Living outside the normal edges of pain. I look in greedily, hungry for life. I wallow around the sides, kick a stone, pick it up and throw it in, landing with a hallow thud. I wait, hoping someone will see, but no one does.
I pout. I scowl. I kick and even bigger stone and hurt my foot. Then I sit down and cry. Weeping overtakes me because I haven’t let it out for so long. I pour out tears I never knew I had and sorrow throws me off balance.
In the dirt now, tear stained and ruined, I feel a glow radiating on my back. I am afraid to look up. The heat is intense, the warming gaze probing. Covering my head, I turn a tear stained cheek upward, and out of the corner of my eye, I see His essence. His gaze is the sun and his smile swallows the air around me.
I close my eyes and a gentle hand warms my back. His presence soothes and His gaze like fire ignites the cold inside of me. I know He’s real. I know He sees. I know He feels the dug out hole inside of me made by myself and others. He looks me eye to eye, puts His forehead on mine. His air soothing my breath and calming my heart.
He wraps His arms around my waist, lifts me out of the dirt.
My Beloved, He says.
My Jesus. This is my Jesus. My comfort. My help. My love. My friend.