Being married to a Pastor and balancing my friendships is a tricky thing. One thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is my friendships with other women. I love my friends. I adore them. I wish I could spend hour after hour with them just hanging out. If you are my friend, or if you are close to someone whose spouse is in full-time ministry, you’ll sorta see what I’m trying to say.
There has to be a lot of grace given and taken in these relationships. My life is never the same day to day or week to week. The times Rob is home with me and the girls is “retreat” time. It’s time to back away from people, regroup, reorganize, and rethink. Before all that happens, we just need quiet. At the end of most days, Rob and I are just quiet. We’re tired. People can be draining. Trying to save the world is hard!
I can’t tell you how many appointments I have had to cancel or reschedule because of Rob’s schedule. I’ve had to reschedule breakfast with the same friend 10 times or more. Does she get mad? Nope. Grace has grown in our friendship over time.
Have I lost friends because of this? Yep, more than have stayed around. They did not like it very much that family, marriage, and ministry were so time consuming. Not only time-consuming, but energy consuming. When I looked at them and said, “I am so sorry, we just can not put our kids with another babysitter tonight., ” they packed up, left, and never came back. Ouch.
But, the friendships that have lasted these 16 years of ministry are the strongest and best I could ever ask for.
If you know a family like ours who is in full-time ministry, extend them extra grace. They really do like you. As a matter of fact, they probably love you more than you could know. That’s why they do what they do.